A Mother's Love

Jeremy Update:

Last night was a good night for Jeremy and he has followed that up with a good day today! It has been so nice to have good days followed by good nights. It always seemed like if he had a good day, his night was rough or if he had a good night, the next day was rough. His ICP overnight ranged from 12-15 with no spikes which was great! Today he went down for a CT scan early in the morning. He tolerated being laid down for the CT scan really well and his ICP was only 10 when he returned! They placed his tracheal intubation and he remained stable during that procedure with an ICP of 6-8. The shunt they have placed in his brain is hooked up to a drain which up until this point was continuously draining cerebral spinal fluid. As the brain swells, cerebral spinal fluid is released and when the fluid was drained, it allowed the pressure to decrease. They have been tracking how much fluid was being drained and his neurosurgeon decided today to set the drain so that his ICP must get over 20 before it drains outside the body to encourage his body to handle the excess fluid on it's own. His CT scan showed the hematoma is now 5 mm compared to the 14 mm it was originally and the 10 mm it was last week, so it is resolving itself. I am braced for any setbacks, but at this time everything is moving forward very nicely! Now on to a post about my mom...

Look how cute Jeremy was!

I've always known my mom is amazing although during my teenagers years I was a typical teenager and didn't show it. Then I became a mother and realized how hard it can be and how freaking much you actually love your children. I actually felt bad for my mom that she loved me as much as I loved Carter and I had never understood the extent of her love. But I do now. I've always been awed by my mom's strength during times of difficulty and sadness. She always somehow holds it together which makes us all feel safer and less scared. Watching her handle this situation with Jeremy has been no different. I can't count the number of times I've just sat down on the floor and cried. Carter has even told me, "I miss you when you're crying mommy." But my mom has held it together. I can only imagine what a mess I would be if it were me in her situation.

I love this picture from when I was less than a month old.

I crack up every time I see baby pictures of Thomas, I swear Elise looks just like him!

Her love is so strong and always there and never wavering. She will protect her children from anyone, even each other. She has numerous times reminded me to not talk or to really whisper when I visit Jeremy so he will not get stimulated as that causes his ICP to spike. I've seen her take charge when nurses have made mistakes and I've watched as she has sacrificed everything to be with my brother. I can relate to her as a mother, but I can't completely relate to her pain. It has been emotionally draining and difficult to see my brother struggling for his life and I can't fathom what it would feel like to watch your son in this situation. But regardless of how it feels my mom has shown such grace and courage. She has written thank you notes to every person who has sent a letter or care package to us. I haven't had the energy to do that myself. She continues to inspire me even in this time of distress. We are all hurting and I know she and my dad are hurting the most. I'm so glad they have weathered this storm in such a way that it builds me up and makes me stronger and better. I just hope when Jeremy is better he can fully appreciate and understand the intense love they have shown for him in everything they have done during his recovery period.

Tomorrow is my mom's birthday. This weekend as Carter and I stood in Wal-Mart choosing special party decorations I kept wishing there was some way I could make her day special. I wish there was some way I could give her a day to forget her troubles and experience some joy. But I also know as a parent with a child in Jeremy's situation no true joy will be had until your child is awake and breathing on his own. So tomorrow I will make my mom a cake, tell her happy birthday, decorate the house, and hope that Jeremy is able to pull out a stable day. There really is no other way to make her birthday special with all that is on her plate. I just want her to know how much I love, respect, and cherish her now and for the rest of my life. It is my goal to show grace in the face of struggle as my mom has modeled for me my whole life. Thank you mom for being who you are and for loving each of us so fiercely. Happy birthday! I would post this on your actual birthday, but I figure you are more likely to get the chance to read it on your birthday if I do it today.

My mom looks like such a bad ass finishing a 5k here.