Our Miscarriage Follow-Up Appointment

I woke up feeling much better today but I had been dreading today since I called to make the appointment last week.  It was our follow-up visit with my OB/Gyn.  Unfortunately our appointment wasn't until 3:30 so I had all day to worry and fret about it.  I hoped it would be warm enough in the morning to take Carter to the zoo.  I figured getting out of the house would help keep my mind off it.  Unfortunately it was a cold morning.  I tried not to let the appointment loom over me like a dark rain cloud all day and was successful until about 1:00.  I started feeling sick to my stomach and felt like I could break down crying at any moment, so I packed Carter up and we headed out for a run.  It helped a bit, but not as much as I had hoped.

Reading a photo book one of my mom's friends made us from when Carter was born.

My parents had decided to come visit to help Jeremy get his washer and dryer hooked up.  They arrived around 2:00 and before I knew it, it was time to leave for our appointment.  On the way there I caught myself picking at my cuticles, a horrible nervous habit of mine.  Ty beat me there and it was such a relief to see him.  The receptionist handed me paperwork to fill out and I got busy.  There were questions about pregnancy on the papers and I started to get teared up.  After I finished the paperwork I looked around the room.  Of course it was filled with women of varying degrees of pregnant.  I had been unsure of how I would feel seeing a pregnant woman, but it still made me happy.  Every time I see a pregnant woman I smile because I think of how much I loved being pregnant and how much joy having a baby brought into my life.  I was relieved this experience didn't take that response away from me.

The nurse came out to get us and I was so ready to get the whole thing over with.  While we waited for the doctor to come in, Ty tried to keep my mind off things, but I was struggling.  I glanced at the ultrasound machine and so many memories of happiness and excitement were brought to mind.  I thought about seeing Carter on that screen for the first time and hearing his heart beating away.  So much of me still wished that was what we were there for.  To see our baby and hear it's heart beat for the first time.  Last week I had secretly wished we would come to this appointment and my doctor would do an ultrasound to reveal a fetal pole and we would laugh that they had gotten it all wrong at the hospital.  But then one night as I was getting ready for bed I saw the sac in the toilet and I knew it was all over.  Still sitting in the room with the equipment next to me and remembering how it had been before, I longed for what could have been.  For what we would have been doing on this day had last week never happened.


When the doctor walked in I had tears in my eyes and pulled it together.  He did a quick ultrasound which revealed an empty uterus which calmed most of my nerves.  I'm so ready to put this whole thing behind me and didn't want it to be carried on by a D&C or any follow-up appointments.  My hope that everything would be back to normal in my body was my reality and I was so grateful.  As he always does our doctor took the time to chat with us and answer questions.  After talking with a few people I became worried that I miscarried due to getting pregnant right after going off birth control.  He assured me that was not the case and actually right after going off birth control is a great time to get pregnant because your hormones have been suppressed and your body realizes it can now make a baby.  My second fear was calmed!  I had read that the percentage of likelihood for miscarriage goes down after you've had one and he said that your chances of having a second miscarriage is about 4%.  That made me feel even better.  He told us we could start trying to get pregnant again as soon as we are ready.  As he walked out of the room he said, see you in a couple months.  He is such an amazing doctor.  I went from teary eyed before he came in to laughing after he left.  I am feeling up beat and positive and I am so thankful for our doctor!  Now I can put this behind me, be thankful that my body took care of what was needed, and look forward to the future!   

Carter has been all about rubbing food in his hair lately.

Trying to be a red head like his grandpa!