Leaving Work Behind

When Ty and I first discussed me staying home I worried about all kinds of things.  Of course I worried about money and providing Carter with plenty of social interaction, but I also worried about me not working.  Would I be happy?  Would I feel fulfilled?  Would I miss my job?  I was afraid when it came time to pack up my classroom I would feel really sad putting away all my manipulatives, books, and learning tools.  But I didn't.  I was afraid when the school year started and everyone else was preparing their classrooms and getting class lists I would miss it.  But, again, I didn't.  Yesterday I went up to school to help my old teaching partner prepare for Meet the Teacher Night.  There is sooo much that goes into that night.  Your classroom has to be prepped and ready, class seating arrangement created, student name labels out on tables so they can see their spot, boxes in the hall for sorting school supplies, packets of information about your classroom for parents to take home, going home lists so you know where to send students at the end of the day on the first day of school, and the list goes on.  Anytime you think you are completely ready you realize there's something more to do!  

Carter played with a doll house my co-teacher has for indoor recess with her daughter.

Carter loved the doll house!

Carter checking to see what her son was doing.

I headed up to help cut out laminated materials, label students' names on baggies, prepare notes to go home, and look over the class list (my co-teacher had spelled some of the students from last year's names wrong).  The best way to describe how I felt being up at the school helping to prepare for the coming school year was relief.  Relief that I no longer need to do it for myself.  Relief that I get to spend my time with Carter.  Relief that while all the other teachers are sending their children off to daycare and creating lesson plans for the first week of school, my 2nd summer is just starting!  I will no longer be carting home an overflowing bag of things to work on once Carter goes to sleep.  I won't lay in bed worrying about stuff I have to get done for school and crying over being away from Carter for another day.  I will no longer be counting down Monday through Friday to get to the mere two days at home with my precious baby.  Although I love teaching and I know I will go back when the time is right, I am so relieved that is not me.  That I'm not a teacher.  That I'm not stressing about those first days of school and leaving my baby.  That I will be able to really enjoy my life, to soak up all my time with Carter.  It was a scary decision to make, but days like yesterday remind me that it was the right one.  When I walk out of the school I love, away from the co-workers I cherish, leaving behind the students I adore, and I feel nothing but relief.  The pure freedom and joy that leaving it behind brings to my life.  Now that was a good decision and I thank Ty every day for standing beside me and supporting the decision.  It was scary for both of us, but so worth it!