Four generations at Christmas-time. |
My grandma passed away on Saturday. We leave tomorrow for the wake and
funeral. This evening while I
contemplated packing, it finally sunk in.
As I held Carter against my chest I felt the tears stream down my face and
onto his nearly bald head. While they soaked
into the few strands of hair covering his skin, I looked up at his face in the
mirror and he gave me a huge, gummy grin.
I felt sad that he wouldn’t remember his great grandma and what a strong
and amazing woman she was. But I know
even if he were a bit older, my memories would be the ones that he would remember
the most. Those memories began to flood
my mind.
Anyone who knew my grandma will recount how she loved to
play cards. At a young age I learned how
to be a good sport. My grandma never
purposely allowed someone to beat her in a game, no matter what their age. She played to win every time no matter
what. One of her favorite games was “Aggravation”. If you’ve never played it, it’s basically a
marble version of “Sorry”. She played
the game not to win, but to knock other players off the board. She got such joy from knocking marbles back
into their home base and would laugh as she did so. I learned to love having my marble forced
back to the start. I loved the sound of
my grandma’s laughter and the joy it brought her.
I am not a good driver and I never have been. My grandparents had a riding lawn mower and
as kids we loved getting to mow their lawn.
One time while I was mowing I cut too close to one of her bushes and
sliced down about half of the bush. The
first thing my grandma said when she saw the yard was, “My bush looks smaller.” I felt embarrassed and explained what had happened. She replied with, “It will grow back”. And it did, but it never looked quite the
same. I learned that it’s okay to make
mistakes and it’s best to just own up to them right away.
My grandma had a pair of slippers we jokingly called my puke
slippers. I guess both times I was sick
at my grandparents’ house I threw up on my grandma’s feet while she was wearing
them. She never complained and even
joked about wearing them around me. I
learned that no material item ever measures up to love.
I have always loved green lettuce. Those white pieces are just gross! I would try to pick out the green lettuce to
make my salads. I will never forget
going to my grandparents’ house and my grandma had specially made me my own
salad made of only the greenest pieces of lettuce. I ate too much steak and wasn’t able to eat
my whole salad. I felt horrible, but my
grandma didn’t care. She made the salad
to show she loved me and it had served its purpose.
When my grandpa died about 3 years ago, my grandma was a
rock. I never saw her cry, not
once. I know she did, but she never did
in front of us. Her strength gave me
strength. It made it easier to move
on. I know it must have been hard for
her, but she did it for us. I want to be
that for Carter. I want to appear strong
even when my heart is breaking. She
never knew how much that helped me and what it meant to me.
There are so many more memories, but those are the ones that
really stuck with me. The ones that
helped shape who I am, that taught me something about life and love. As I stood looking at Carter in the mirror, I
felt comfort. Comfort in knowing that my
grandma lives on in me and in Carter. Somewhere inside of me cells and strands of DNA come from her. She is part of who I am and therefore who Carter is, and that will never change.
Hanging out with Great Grandma. |
Oh Liz! I am so sorry! But what a wonderful example! And how lucky she and Carter are to have shared time together. My great grandmother, with whom I was very close, died when I was a freshman in college. Long before Liam, of course, but I have no doubt that she is his guardian angel and when he stares off dreamily at the ceiling, I know he sees Cassie. :) Carter will have the same!
ReplyDeleteAlso, my grandmother let us driver her riding lawnmower, too. Must be something about Grandmas. :)
Thanks, Sarah! It was such a treat to ride the lawnmower. How fun you did the same thing. Memories of grandmas are so special. I will always treasure them.
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