Thoughts Before Elise Arrives

Last week during our baby learning theme Carter and I spent a lot of time looking back at pictures and videos of him as a newborn.  We even pulled out the Belly Book I filled out during his pregnancy and looked at his ultrasound pictures.  You would think all that reminiscing would make me all teary and nostalgic, especially with all my pregnant hormones coursing through my veins.  Oddly enough it really didn't.  Although I loved looking back and remembering life when Carter was little, I am so happy with where we are right now.  He is the most fun, precious, enjoyable little bundle of a toddler I could ever imagine.  I caught myself thinking how much more fun he is now than he was at each of the ages we watched videos of.  He talks, he carries on conversations, he makes me laugh, he dances, he tells me "Love you, mommy!", he shares with his friends.  Really there is nothing that can compare to the joy he brings me right now at this exact age.

This sweet face kills me!

I love, love, loved Carter as a baby and that first year I was so sappy as he got older and grew further and further from a newborn.  But as I looked back and didn't yearn for Carter to be that baby again I started to worry.  Will I enjoy Elise as much as I did Carter?  Will she seem kind of boring compared to all the awesome stuff Carter can do?  And I immediately quieted my thoughts.  I don't wish for Carter to be back at that age because he shouldn't be.  He should be exactly where he is.  I don't wish for Carter to be more grown up or independent either.  I just want him right here, right now.  I want the sweet toddler that I get to spend my days entertaining and being entertained by.  When Elise comes I will love her for what she is in the exact moment we are living because that's where she should be.  I will love the nursing baby, the sleeping baby, the occasional moments where her eyes are open because that's what she should be doing.  I'll want her to be a newborn because she is a newborn.  I'm sure I'll giggle over the fact that she has her eyes open and take a video because it's the most precious thing I've ever seen (or the most precious thing I've ever seen since it was Carter doing it).  Then Ty will plop on the couch beside me and excitedly proclaim that "Oh, are her eyes open?!!?"  Because although we've done it all before, this time it will be new.  It will be a different version of the newborn experience.  It will be the newborn stages through Elise's personality and disposition.  And honestly, I just can hardly wait!

I think what I'm the most grateful for as a parent is the ability to appreciate where we are.  I've never longed to go back in time or to fast forward to a different stage.  Being a parent has allowed me to embrace living in the moment and really appreciate where we are that very day.  Each new stage or age of Carter's was my very favorite until the next one came along and I decided that one was even better than the last.  Someone asked me my favorite baby age and I thought for a while before deciding, all of them.  Each age we were at was my favorite at that time.  Now my favorite age is that just over 2 years old age and I am confident I will feel the same with Elise.  Bring on the newborn yawns, sneezes, hiccups, middle of the night feedings, and spit up.  I'm ready to start this whole whirl wind of love and fun again!