Contemplating Childbirth Before #2

When I think back to Carter's birth, labor and delivery were so perfect.  My water broke so I didn't have to worry about when to go to the hospital.  I progressed quickly enough that I didn't require Pitocin, but not so quickly that my contractions were unbearable.  Ty and I spent a lot of time just the two of us at the hospital, walking the halls and talking.  When it got down to the almost unbearable pain, it didn't last long with Carter being born less than 30 minutes later.  Pushing was not the horrible, scary experience that others had described it to be.  It was a relief.  The pressure was going away.  Then Carter was placed on my chest and I felt his soft skin and the movement of his chest as he inhaled and exhaled his breath.  I find myself wondering, will this birth be as perfect?  Sometimes I think, how could it be?  How could I have another perfect labor and delivery?  But then I find myself thinking it will be different, it has to be different, but it will be it's own version of perfect.  Just as Elise will be a different version of perfect than Carter.

Now that's pure perfection!

I didn't realize it until after Carter was born but I went into a natural childbirth with no real techniques for natural labor.  My birth class only taught coping and breathing skills for labor up until the time when an epidural could be administered.  It was assumed we would all be receiving an epidural.  My plan going into labor was to relax during contractions and move around as much as possible.  I believed in myself and my body.  I knew how tough I was and I knew I could do it.  I was able to deliver naturally so obviously I was prepared enough but I find myself wondering if I could have been more prepared.

I hit a point when I was 9 cm dilated where my body started pushing and I struggled to hold Carter in.  Looking back I think that may have been part of the reason why I ended up tearing and needing stitches, I was pushing too soon.  The nurse coached me through breathing that kept me from pushing, it was magical.  I mentioned to my mom how amazing the breathing was and she was shocked I hadn't learned it in my birthing class.  That's when I started to wonder if I could have done more to prepare.  If things could have gone even easier and smoother.  Not that they didn't go easily or smoothly.  Our delivery room had a very calm atmosphere.  There was no yelling or screaming, just some grunting.  I was mostly in my head although I did occasionally communicate with Ty and my parents.  I'll never forget turning to Ty and telling him I loved him. Then during the next contraction hearing my mom whisper to Ty that I may not be like that for much longer. But I remained calm. I felt so in control and so in love with Ty. We had done this together and were bringing a baby into the world together.  After Carter was delivered our doctor came in and praised me on what a great job I had done.  I jokingly said, "I'm sure you tell everyone that."  And he said, "No really, you did amazing.  We had another natural childbirth down the hall today and she didn't do nearly as well as you."  The doctor's comments made me feel like maybe my level of preparation was sufficient, but I'm the type of person who always wants to learn more.   I've heard a lot about Ina May's Guide to Childbirth and feel like it would be a great way to learn more.  I looked it up on our library catalog, but none of the libraries within the system have it.  I've debated whether I want to order it online or not.  Here we are with around 2 months until go time and I still haven't ordered it.  I would happily read it if it could just magically appear on my doorstep...

Walking the halls with my support team for one of the last times.

The huge advantage to having gone through natural childbirth before is that I know I can do it.  I don't have the nervousness this time that I did last time around.  With Carter I was so excited to meet him, but also a little bit apprehensive of the process that occurred to get there.  It made me calmer about meeting him, less anxious for his birth day to come.  I was able to be content with where we were.  This time I'm not nervous about labor.  But since I'm not afraid of the process, I'm more anxious for the day to arrive.  I can't wait to meet Elise and almost wish I could skip over these last few months to get there.  Thankfully I have Carter around to make me appreciate the process and welcome the last few months of pregnancy as precious one-on-one time with my first born that I won't have once Elise arrives.  I know labor and delivery will be different this time, but I'm still excited for it.  I'm excited for those last few moments just me and Ty before Elise arrives and makes us parents again.  I'm excited for the time leading up to her birth filled with anticipation.  I want to be prepared for things to be different.  I want to be prepared for complications and things not going as I hope.  All that being said, I do know that no matter what happens, Elise will be perfect!