A Little Perspective

Yesterday was a challenging day for me. It wasn't exactly what was happening but how I was reacting to things that was causing problems. Our morning started off well and then Carter hid behind a chair and I could tell he was going to poop so I tried to get him to come out so he could get on the potty chair. He wouldn't come on his own will and by the time I got to him he'd already gone. It made me mad. Way more mad than it should have. Yes, he knew he had to go. Yes, he knew where to go. Yes, he chose to poop in his pants for whatever reason. But I shouldn't have been so mad. I was mad enough I wanted to spank him just because I was angry. So I cleaned him up and left the room. Sure it was an annoying and frustrating situation but I could've reacted differently. For some reason I just couldn't shake the anger. Even the sound of Carter laughing didn't fully clear it up.

Then I stupidly ran the shop vac while Elise was napping and woke her up 2 hours earlier than usual which resulted in her crying for quite a while. I got her calmed down but she just couldn't fall back to sleep. So I decided to cut our losses and go to the park for a run and then to play. Carter pottied before we headed out on our run and then when we got back about 30 minutes later and I started to get him out of the stroller to go to the bathroom I discovered he'd pottied on our run. I was frustrated but chalked that one up to an accident since he was strapped in the stroller. I had him go again in the bathroom and he was able to go quite a bit more. But then on the playground I was pushing him on the swing and when I went to pull him out he'd pottied his pants again. We packed up and headed home. 

Ready for a run.

Naptime arrived and Elise was so overtired she couldn't fall asleep and Carter decided he wanted to talk and play rather than sleep. I ended up taking Elise into my bed and laying with her. I got up when she finally fell asleep but she woke up less than an hour later screaming. The poor baby was so overtired and I knew it was my fault, but gosh darn it I just wanted her to sleep. Not just so I could get things done but also because I didn't want her to be miserable. Carter finally fell asleep after fussing and talking in his room and a good amount of calling for me about an hour and a half after I put him down. I felt stressed out about Elise being overtired and Carter not going to sleep. I knew I needed to find my calm but for some reason I just couldn't. 

Trying to help Elise fall asleep, it didn't work!

Carter woke up and we played for a while before heading in to make dinner. I had the pizza crust all made and ready before I realized I had forgotten to put mozzarella cheese on the grocery list and therefore didn't buy any. By that point I was getting hangry. I called Ty who was happy to pick some up on his way home but that meant dinner would be about 20 minutes later than planned. I should have just eaten a snack because I was so hungry! Ty arrived with the cheese and I got the pizza in the oven. It should have been time to chill and play with Carter for a little bit but as I walked in to play with him, he informed me he had pooped his pants. That anger from earlier resurfaced and I had a hard time keeping my cool. It was the straw that broke the camel's back. I cleaned him up and told him to sit in the reading chair until I came to get him for dinner because I was upset. I was tempted to just throw in the towel and go back to diapers at that point. I hope there are still some hormonal imbalances working themselves out in my body because I became a mess. I just started crying and couldn't stop. I was upset Carter was having so many on purpose accidents, I was upset with how I reacted to the situation, I was upset I couldn't get control of my emotions, I was upset Elise was so tired and fussy because of my dumb mistake. Then the thought creeped into my head. A thought I've heard other stay at home moms who used to work say numerous times, but I had never had. "I wish I were at work today." It was the first day of school. I love the first day of school. The excitement in the air. The smell of brand new crayons. The eagerness of the students to learn. The huge smiles and hugs from students new and old. The promise of a year to get to know 25 new and wonderful children. I don't miss it because I know the work that goes into preparing for that first day. The summer months stolen away by classroom prep, lesson planning, and marerial creation. I know how much work it takes but I wished just for a moment to somehow skip all of that and just be there in that first day of school world rather than this baby crying, toddler pooping one I was in. Of course, that thought made me feel guilty which made me feel even worse. 

Ty took Carter in to play in the living room after dinner so I could finish eating. Elise was already in bed so I had a moment to myself. As I ate I pulled up timehop on my phone. And there it was, just what I needed, a little perspective. There was a picture of Carter 2 years ago. His sweet face was covered in a rash which we later found out was 5th disease. 2 years ago had also been the first day of school. Although that year I had been teaching. I had to take Carter to daycare and drop him off even though he wasn't feeling very good. I didn't get to stay home with my sick boy. Instead I had to leave him in the care of someone else. On that day I arrived at work and cried in my classroom until my students arrived. That picture reminded me that no matter how hard of a day I have it beats what I had before a million times over! Being home with my children challenging me is so much better than being at work longing to be with my baby!

Poor sick Carter 2 years ago!

And today has been much better, only one potty accident or "on purpose" for Carter!

Tuesday Randoms

I have to state the obvious that Carter has impeccable fashion sense. Now that he dresses himself I laugh at his clothing choices on the daily. A staple of his wardrobe right now? A turkey stocking cap! He is so hilarious! He very excitedly goes into his room and comes to me with arms full telling me all the clothing items he is carrying. He'll say, "Got shirt, pants, socks, shoes, hat!" More often than not I'll say, "What about undies?" Which sends him running to his room to fetch a pair. Today he chose fuzzy Elmo socks, thank goodness the high is only 90 degrees! Even so I have a feeling he may be regretting that choice by the end of the day!

This morning Carter wanted to run from the house with Harper rather than run at the park and then play. Normally I strap him into the stroller but I forgot once and since then he occasionally requests to not be strapped in. This morning he wanted me to leave him unstrapped so he could watch Harper, the slacker tends to run behind the stroller. I agreed and didn't think much of it. Then about half a mile from home Harper ran on the opposite side of a speed limit sign as we did and bam the stroller tipped over (I attach her leash to the handle of the stroller). Elise was fine because she was strapped in but Carter slid on the ground getting strawberries on his knee and face. I ran to him and pulled him up from under the stroller and then pulled the stroller upright. He was more scared than hurt. It was so scary and I was shaking, trying not to cry as I consoled him. I was impressed by the response of people nearby. A man driving by stopped to check on us, a man sitting on his porch rushed over, and a woman who heard Carter crying came out of her house and walked over to check on us. It took a while to get Carter to calm down but once he did he agreed he should always be strapped into the stroller. Little miss was so unaffected by the experience she fell asleep on the way home! I hate that the whole ordeal could have been prevented by not taking Harper with us and/or by having Carter strapped in. Lesson learned!

I guess he wasn't too traumatized since he cheesed when I asked him if I could take a picture of his ouchies.

The Day I Felt Like a Failure

The day seemed to start out like any other.  It was an ordinary Tuesday.  I woke up to Carter coming into our room with his daddy so Ty could say good bye and I could get up with Carter.  Looking back there were so many things working against us.  Carter had been sick over the weekend running a 101-102 degree temperature and hadn't slept in bed by himself since the Thursday before.  Elise caught whatever he had which made her clingier and fussier.  Add onto that Carter's already higher than usual maintenance due to not feeling up to par and I should have been prepared.  We didn't do much the day before since we were all tired and both kids weren't feeling very good.  We grocery shopped in the morning, Carter visited Uncie J while I took Elise to the doctor, we ate lunch, we napped, we went for a run, and played for a little while at the splash pad.  Carter had actually asked to go home while we were at the splash pad which has never happened before.

Our day started off with some peek-a-boo in the laundry hamper.

That morning things quickly took a turn for the worse.  Carter was jumping on our bed as I was getting dressed.  I told him to stop because it wasn't safe and he could land on sissy.  He stopped but then walked right over and stomped on her leg.  I took him to time out and then we talked about how he had hurt sissy, he apologized, kissed her leg, and made sure she was okay.  Then next thing I knew he was kicking Harper so again to time out.  Again the apologizing and making sure she was okay.  After my run I left Elise in her car seat because she was asleep and put her in the doorway while I showered so I could keep an eye on her.  She was still asleep when I got out of the shower so I left her.  Carter went over and started kissing her which was fine.  Then he stood up and started rocking the car seat with a vengeance.  I told him that was too rough and he didn't want to wake sissy because she'd cry and I'd have to get her out and we would be late to the park.  He looked right at me and started slapping at her.  So another time out.  It wasn't even 10:00 yet and he'd already been to time out 3 times.  We had a morning playdate at the park and I was hoping that would be exactly what he needed.  I figured he just needed to get outside and run off some energy.  Then he would go back to normal.  We were ready early so we headed out and played before our friends arrived.  Carter was having a blast, trying all the ladders and splashing in puddles since he was wearing his boots.

Our friends arrived and in retrospect he was already getting tired, but it didn't register at the time.  It was after 11:00 and he had woken up early and had a rough night of sleep on top of that.  He was playing nicely with his buddy Landon and then Landon ran off to play on some other equipment.  He wasn't being mean or leaving Carter out on purpose, he just wanted to climb a ladder he hadn't yet.  Carter ran after him screaming, "NO LANDY!!!!"  I reassured him it was okay and that Landon just wanted to try out the ladder.  Wish I would have stopped right there and realized it was probably time to go home.  Elise started crying because she was hungry so I pulled her out of her car seat in the stroller to nurse and put a cover up on.  As we walked back over to the equipment Carter approached a little girl probably around a year and half old.  He went to hug her, but she turned so he hugged her from the side, they got off balance and fell down.  With how it happened it looked like he had tackled her, but I knew what he had tried to do.  As I was reminding Carter to be gentle and going to help them up, her mom ran over and pulled her up giving me a dirty look and chastising Carter.  As they walked away he slapped at the girl.  I told him no and walked him over to sit for a time out.  That's when we for real should have packed up and gone home.  But did I pick up on that?  Unfortunately, no.  So we stayed and after a while of playing nicely Carter did the same thing to a little boy.  He hugged him, but for too long and too hard so they both fell down.  As they were getting up Carter slapped the boy in the head.  I took him to time out again and had him go apologize and check on the boy.  A little while later Carter asked to go home and I happily said good bye to the moms we had met there and loaded up to go home.

I had felt pretty good all morning and really refreshed after our run.  The incidents at the park hadn't really bothered me too much at the time.  But on the drive home I started thinking about it more and getting more and more upset.  Leave it to postpartum hormones and sleep deprivation to make your mind go to dark places.  I started wondering where I'd gone wrong as a parent that Carter felt it was okay to hit other children.  Then I started thinking about all the ways I had possibly failed him to make him feel that way.  By the time I got home I was close to tears because in my mind I had failed miserably as a parent by raising a child who would become a bully in school, being mean to other children and physically harming them.  I stood making his lunch, my mind still reeling, when he out of no where blurted out "Grandpa Eddie".  I stopped and stared at him, wondering how he knew exactly what to say.  My Gandpa Eddie was notoriously a jokester and was ornery as can be all through childhood and honestly somewhat in adulthood, but he turned out to be an amazing man.  The kind of person who touched the lives of many people around him.  People I'd never met but felt inclined to share stories of him to me after he had passed.  I felt much better and put Carter down for his nap with somewhat uplifted spirits.

When Carter woke up from his nap it started all over again.  The terrorizing Harper and not being gentle enough with Elise and I lost it.  I just sat down on the couch and cried.  Carter came over, sat next to me, looked right into my face and asked, "Mommy okay?"  I told him I was sad.  I was sad because he had been mean to me, to Harper, to friends at the playground, and to sissy.  He looked me right in the face and said, "I stop all of that."  Although I knew he wouldn't follow through with that promise, it was a sweet sentiment.  That evening when Ty walked in the door I couldn't help it, one look at him and I began crying all over again.  I was exhausted.  I was tired of the time outs, of the hitting, of the kicking, of Elise's constant need to be held.  I wanted the day to be over.  I wanted to start over again.  I wanted Carter back to his normal self.  It had been a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day.  I felt like a failure as a parent.  The time outs weren't working.  Talking wasn't working.  I just wasn't getting through to my son.  After Carter went to bed Ty and I had a long talk.  We came to the conclusion that Carter was overtired, jealous, and needed attention.  We realized I should have left the park after Carter's incident with the first little girl.  I shouldn't have stayed letting it spiral out of control.  In my heart I knew it was just a bad day, but I couldn't help feeling worthless.  I cried more times than I'd like to admit.

I walked in to find Carter consoling Elise later in the day which almost made up for how mean he'd been to her earlier.

That day I was convinced I was a failure as a parent.  I had gone horribly wrong and ruined my perfect angel baby.  While having a conversation with my dad I told him I felt like a failure as a parent and he responded with, "And it won't be the last time."  Parenting can be hard.  Both babies were sick which meant I wasn't getting enough sleep.  I was tired, hormonal, and stressed out.  In my head I thought, "Maybe Carter would be better off going to daycare all day because I'm such a worthless parent."  Then I remembered having that thought before when Carter was around 2-3 months old.  I had set him in a laundry basket on the counter while I put away some folded laundry and it tipped over, spilling him out.  I remembered thinking, "Carter will be better off at daycare, at least they won't almost kill him."  When I remembered that thought I realized this day wasn't the first time I'd felt like a failure and as my dad pointed out, I know it won't be the last.  But I'll keep going and doing the best I can because I love my precious children more than can be described.  Although my day was terrible and I wished I could forget it ever happened, I was glad it reminded me not to put too much weight on just one day.  You can't measure anything in just one day and I shouldn't have made large generalizations about Carter's behavior and future based on a bad day.  Thank goodness we got to wake up and start over the following day!  

Lessons Learned the Hard Way

Carter has gotten so sweet with his buddy Jake. When Jake doesn't come on a day he normally would Carter walks around the house saying, "Jakers?", hoping Jake will show up at any minute. When he's playing with cars he sweetly walks one over to Jake. It melts me. He'll carry Jake's sippy cup over to him saying, "Here ya go, Jakers." He waves to Jake when they are on opposite sides of the play house. He points next to him and asks for Jake to sit there. He tells Jake night night when he goes down for a nap and takes off running toward his room at the first sound of him waking. I love their relationship.

Beating the windows together.

Of course, Carter still has his moments where he takes a toy from Jake, but he's in that stage of development. It is to be expected. What drives me nuts is his mooching ways. He always finishes eating before Jake and then starts stealing food off Jake's tray. I put him in time out only to have him immediately back at Jake's tray sneaking food. I would knock it out of his hand telling him no so he wasn't rewarded with food for bad behavior. He wasn't swayed. I explained if he eats Jake's food, Jake won't have enough to eat and will be hungry. Blank stare. I'd get him distracted with something else only to have him lose interest after a while and go back to food stealing. Finally I told him , "If you take food off Jake's tray again I'm going to slap your hand." He reached his precious, little hand over and grabbed a piece of food. I slapped his hand, he dropped the food, looked at me in shock, and tears beaded up in his eyes. His smile turned into a frown and he started crying, reaching for me. It was terrible. I hugged Carter and told him I was sorry he took the food and not to do it again.

I will steal your food!

Once Carter was consoled I walked into the kitchen and began crying. It's one thing to disappoint Carter by not giving him something he wants and causing him to cry. It's a totally different thing to cause him physical pain. I stood there thinking a mile a minute with tears streaming down my face. I'm trying to teach Carter not to hit. I want him to learn that you solve problems through communicating, not by using force. And here I am doing just the opposite. He learns by example and I'm teaching him to solve his problems by hitting. 

Carter noticed me crying and rushed over saying, "Mommy okay?" I looked at my sweet child who learned to check on the well being of others through my modeling. I knelt down on the floor and told him I was okay, I just needed a hug. He quickly rushed over with his arms outstretched for a hug. When he let go he looked at me, said "Okay?", and shrugged his shoulders. I assured him I was okay as he rushed back to Jake's tray to snatch food. I followed him over, told him no and pried the food out of his hand. I decided it may take longer for him to learn this way, but it will be better for both of us. I can be a hard ass with discipline, just ask my old co-teacher. My method doesn't involve severe or physical (obviously in a school setting) punishments. I hold children accountable for their behavior and have high expectations. The consequence for the behavior is logical and related if at all possible. My favorite punishment is making children feel very guilty by discussing what they chose to do and explaining how disappointed I am with lots of "looks" and sad voices thrown in.  Carter isn't to the age where he can comprehend that quite yet, so I tried something else out. And I'm ashamed to even admit that I wouldn't have done it if I weren't pregnant.  I was overly frustrated due to my lack of patience that comes right before naptime when I'm physically exhausted.  I learned I'm not going to be the type of parent who can spank (although I have no problems with spanking, do what works!). Unfortunately that's a lesson I had to learn from experience. My first year of teaching I discovered children forgive me much quicker than I forgive myself. Obviously that was the case with Carter. He was already over it and in my arms moments later and here I am writing this weeks later still beating myself up over slapping his hand. You live and you learn.  Sometimes you just choose to do it the hard way!

Update:

I wrote this post about 2 months ago and have had so many posts I felt were more important to get up since then that it's been sitting in my drafts waiting and waiting to be published.  I figured I would add an update on the food stealing situation as it has improved dramatically.  After the awful hand slapping incident I went back to telling Carter "no" very sternly and knocking the food out of his hand so he wasn't reinforced for bad behavior by getting to eat the food.  After just a few days Carter figured it out.  Now if he takes food off Jake's tray and I tell him "no", he drops the food back onto his tray and walks away!  I'm so glad my less stern method of discipline was successful and I'm also glad that Carter is such a fast learner! 

Carter's Big Boy Bed Transition

I can't pinpoint an exact reason, but I was dragging my feet on switching Carter over to his big boy bed.  Part of me wanted to wait until we bought a second monitor so we could have one in both rooms and we could do naps in the big boy bed and nighttime in the crib before switching over full-time, but I didn't actively do anything to get another monitor.  Carter had gotten really independent with naptime and I think that was in large part due to Jake being here some days and me not being able to rock him on those days.  I could put him in his crib with a few books.  He'd read the books, then push them into a corner of the crib and go to sleep.  It was amazing and surprising and a little bitter sweet all at once.  Some of my favorite moments in the day were rocking Carter before putting him down for bed.  I loved the last minute snuggles, kisses, and hair twirls.  I found I missed him more during naptime when I didn't get those.

Suddenly the first week in December I was ready.  I knew it was time and I wanted to get Carter moved over into his big boy room.  The room was ready, Carter was ready, and finally I was ready!  I told Ty and he put the bumpers on that night.  I let Carter watch and he giggled with excitement over the whole ordeal, especially each time I referred to the bed as his big boy bed.  Wednesday, December 3rd, at naptime I asked Carter if he wanted to try his big boy bed for naptime.  He started giggling, squealing, and said yes while shaking his hands in the air.  He was so jacked up about it, it became obvious he would need a while to settle down before he'd be able to sleep.  I laid down in bed with him and read him a few books.  While we were reading Harper hopped up in the bed with us and Carter was so excited.  I told Carter not to get out of bed until I came to get him.  Then I gave him a kiss and told him night night.  I couldn't decide whether to leave the door open or not since we didn't have a monitor in the room yet and decided to close it.  I was a little nervous Carter would start messing with Harper and she'd have no way to escape.  My nervousness turned out to be justified.

Excitedly trying out his big boy bed.

Bye bye Mommy, ni ni!

I headed into the kitchen to make dinner because I needed to have it ready to put in the oven since I tutored that night.  It was the strangest thing.  I had been so excited for Carter to sleep in his big boy bed, but now that he was in there I was struggling to hold back tears.  I knew I was ready, but it was just hard.  My baby was no longer in a crib and he was temporarily in a room with no monitor so I couldn't check on him.  As I started cooking dinner I heard Harper give Carter a warning bark.  I took off running toward the room only to slip and fall as I turned the corner.  I don't know if my socks were just slick or what, but it caught me by surprise.  When I got to the room and opened the door Harper came out running followed closely by Carter.  I told Carter, "No, Carter.  You don't get out of bed until mommy comes to get you."  He gave me the I know I did something wrong eyes and walked back to his bed and climbed in.  I laid down beside him to read a few more books and Harper again got on the bed with us.  I decided that since it was his first time in the bed and he was still learning and he was now past his regular naptime, I'd lay with him until he fell asleep.  He excitedly told me how it was also Harper's ni ni time and Opa's ni ni time and Daddy and Mommy's ni ni time.  Then he laid back, twirled my hair in his fingers and began sucking his thumb.  Just when I thought he was about asleep he sat up and pointed at Harper, exclaiming, "Harper ni ni!"  Then he pointed at his Christmas tree.  I told him, "Yes, Harper is also taking a nap and your tree is very pretty."  He laid back down and fell asleep shortly after.  This time I left the door open ajar so Harper could leave if she wanted and I could peek on Carter as he slept. 

Finally asleep!

Harper braving the bed with Carter again.

Leaving Carter's room the second time I felt much better.  I don't know if it was laying there until he fell asleep or leaving the door open so I could check on him.  Whatever it was I felt at peace with where he was.  That first nap was a successful one as he slept for 2 hours, not waking once.  When he woke up he sat in his crib and called for me.  He didn't get out of bed until I came in and got him up.  I debated whether to go for the bed again at nighttime or to stick with the bed at naptime for a while before venturing to nighttime sleep.  Ty and I discussed it and decided to let Carter take the lead.  I asked him if he wanted to sleep in his big boy bed and he said yes.  Then I asked him if he wanted to sleep in his crib and he also said yes.  So we were back at square one.  But then before bathtime he ran into his big boy room and got on his bed asking to go "ni ni".  While in the bed he continued to request to go "ni ni".  The whole time I got him ready for bed he was saying "ni ni, ni ni!"  Ty set the camera for the baby monitor up in the room while I lotioned Carter and put his jammies on.

I laid down in bed with Carter and read a few books to him.  Then I turned off the light and told him good night.  I started to leave the room and he yelled "no!" and started to cry so I laid back down.  After about 15 minutes I got up and told Carter good night.  He again yelled "no!" and began crying, but I left and decided to let him cry.  I watched him on the monitor and he sat in bed and cried hard for 5 minutes.  He was crying so hard it was one of those where I was afraid he would make himself throw up so I relented and headed back in.  The minute he saw me he laid back down so I told him good night and started to leave again, but he shot up and cried.  I figured it was just a transition so I laid down with him for a while longer.  Anytime I'd tell him good night and start to get up he'd squeal, "No, mommy!"  While I was in bed with him he would look at me and say, "Hi, mommy!"  It was so cute!  Eventually he looked at me and said, "Baby."  I asked him if he wanted his baby doll and he said yes so I asked him if he wanted me to go get it and he again said yes.  I retrieved his baby doll from his crib and laid it down by him.  He said thank you and then told me good night.  Without any tears I walked out of the room and when I checked on the monitor he had rolled over, put his arm around his baby doll, and was falling asleep.  

It's blurry because it was dark, but I still thought it was cute.

Sleeping with his arm around his baby doll.

I enjoyed reading a few books with Carter and then laying with him for a while before he fell asleep and he requested it every night and at naptime.  Unfortunately it turned out to be a bad habit to get into.  We visited Ty's parents over the weekend and Carter wouldn't go to sleep unless Ty or I laid with him until he fell asleep.  So the Monday after our trip I decided it was time to work Carter away from me laying in bed with him.  I explained to him that I wasn't going to lay with him anymore before laying him down.  At naptime I pulled a chair over by his bed and read him a few books.  Each time I started to leave he would cry hysterically so I stayed in his room, telling myself it was a step up that I wasn't in his bed.  Bedtime went about the same.

On Tuesday I thought about things more and decided there was no reason why he couldn't sleep in his big boy bed by himself other than that we got into a bad habit.  It was time for me to be a tough mom and put an end to our bad bed habits.  I rocked him just like usual and then laid him down for his nap.  He immediately got up and went to the door crying.  I let him cry for about 5 minutes and then went back in, had him get in bed, gave him all his buddies, kissed him, and left.  Immediately upon me shutting the door he was out of bed and crying at the door again.  I tried letting him go a bit longer and then going back in and following the same procedure.  It again didn't work.  After the 3rd time of going back in and getting him set back up in bed I realized going back in was just getting him more worked up.  So after those 30 minutes of going back in to check on him after 5, 10, and 15 minute increments I sat down on the couch with the monitor and waited out the crying.  After nearly an hour I was starting to be convinced he would skip his nap altogether when he walked back to his bed, climbed in, cried a few last cries looking back at the door, and fell asleep in exhaustion.

The whole ordeal was terrible.  I hated listening to Carter cry.  I wanted to be in there with him.  He wanted me in there with him.  But I knew it wasn't a good habit for us and would just cause more pain later on.  It's not good for him to be dependent on me to fall asleep.  What good is a big boy bed if he can't be a big boy and sleep in it on his own?  While I listened to him cry I wanted to cry.  I became frustrated.  I wanted to hit something.  My heart hurt.  I had to keep reminding myself that it would pass.  Eventually he'd be sleeping in his big boy bed with no problems and I would be glad I toughed it out.  If I didn't do it he would always want me to sleep with him and I would regret not transitioning away from it sooner.  That night I was fully prepared for another hour long cry session when I put him down for bed.  I wasn't sure I could handle it again as it frazzled my nerves and made me sick to my stomach at naptime.  I was prepared to put on headphones and try to get my mind off the monitor.  Just like at naptime I rocked Carter for a while and then laid him down in his bed.  I tucked him in and handed him all of his buddies.  Then I left and watched him get out of bed on the monitor as I walked down the hall.  He began crying while I was in the kitchen pouring myself a glass of milk and getting a snack.  By the time I sat down on the couch with my milk and food Carter had stopped crying and was climbing back in bed.  I was shocked!  Less than 5 minutes of crying and Little Mister was asleep!  All I can say is that I'm glad he learns quickly.  He saved this momma a lot of stress by going to sleep so quickly!  I love my little guy and I hate that I made this transition harder on him than it needed to be by laying with him initially.  You live, you learn, and hopefully Elise will benefit!  Although I know she'll come with her own unique set of challenges.

Now I lay Carter down with no crying and he goes right to sleep.  He doesn't want to read books or rock, he just wants his bed!  I was changing his diaper before naptime one day and he kept requesting to go "ni ni".  I told him I would go lay him down when he had a fresh diaper on and he started cheering "yay!"  It was hilarious!  I'm now able to lay Carter down in his bed and leave without so much as a peep most nights.  Occasionally if he's overtired he'll cry for a few minutes, but it never lasts long.  One night he was way overtired.  He got out of bed, laid by the door and cried for a couple minutes before climbing back into bed and going to sleep.  Part of me wishes he wanted to read some books in bed or cuddle before going to sleep, but I know this routine is better.  This way if anyone else needs to put him down for bed it shouldn't be a problem.  Before when we rocked before bed, Carter would only go down for me.  With how little mister goes down for naps and bedtime now, no one would believe me that he at one point screamed and cried when I left him alone in his big boy bed.  The crying is tough to listen to, but it is so worth it in the end!

All snuggled up with his buddies and ready for bed!

His new thing is climbing up by his pillows and sleeping across them.

Two Boys and a Very Tricky Door

Today is one of our days with Jake.  I've been impressed that each time Jake is here Carter does a little bit better with him.  He hasn't been as jealous and even played with cars while I fed Jake.  Normally he wants to sit in my lap while I feed Jake so he can get attention too.  When Jake arrived this morning Carter even clapped out of excitement and couldn't wait to see him.  When I got Jake up from his nap Carter heard me and came running in to see him.

Riding bikes together.

I asked Carter to show Jake how to make music on his car.

We did have a hiccup this morning but it didn't have to do with them not getting along.  Carter loves to shut doors, especially the door to his big boy room.  Then he'll stand in the room and yell "mommy" until I come open the door.  He was doing it just like usual this morning as I was putting Jake down for a nap, no big deal.  Except when I went to open the door for him, I couldn't get it opened!  I realized the door was locked which I hadn't even realized it did.  I looked at the knob and there didn't appear to be a slot for a key.  I panicked and rammed the door with my hip, it didn't quite budge although the wood cracked.  Then I ran outside holding the baby monitor so I could still see Jake and looked at the windows.  I could tell there was no way I was breaking into one of them, that was the whole point of getting new windows after we got robbed.  So I went back inside and stood at the door thinking, all while listening to Carter cry for me over and over.  I called Ty, no answer.  I called my mom, no answer.  I called my dad, no answer.  As I was standing pondering what to do or who to call next I decided to try a credit card.  I grabbed a Baby's R Us VIB card out of my wallet and tried using it to unlock the door while I called Jeremy.  Jeremy picked up the phone as I unlocked the door.  Carter very happily came running out of the room to me, crisis averted.  Now what do I do to keep him from accidentally locking himself in again in the future?  I think that will be a solution for Ty!

We Can't Catch a Break Around Here

After getting called to pick Carter up, due to him running a temperature, half-way through the day last Monday (well, 40 minutes from a half-day so I was charged a full day even though I'd been at work for over 3 hours) his grammy came to watch him Tuesday through Thursday so he could recover.  He went back to daycare on Friday and was back to normal for the weekend.  Then he woke up Sunday morning with the inside corner of his left eye all red and swollen.  He wasn't running a temperature and was acting normal other than the puffy eye.  I decided to give him some Tylenol for the inflammation only to look over after giving him the correct dosage for Tylenol to notice I had picked up Ibuprofen by mistake.  So I had given him over double the recommended amount of Ibuprofen.  Ty's grandma wasn't worried, so I figured I didn't need to worry either, but I couldn't help it.  I decided to call Poison Control just to be on the safe side and they told me it was fine, to just make sure he drank plenty of fluids.  Crisis averted!

Poor buddy's eye was so swollen!

With Carter being sick we haven't been getting as much sleep as we'd like around here.  Last week he was waking up 3-4 times at night because he just didn't feel good.  Friday night he was down to only waking up once and then coming to bed with us around 4 am.  Saturday night he slept until 5 am so I brought him to bed with us for an hour.  Sunday night he was up during the middle of the night again.  We took his temperature Monday morning and it was in the low 100's.  His eye was still swollen, but not too bad.  Since his temperature was 100.3 and he can't go to daycare if it's 100.4 or above I stayed home with him, leaving me just 2 or 3 sick days for the remainder of the year.  I hope the month of May is kinder to my Carter man than the month of April has been!  Carter woke up still running a temperature this morning so daddy stayed home with him today. 

Snuggles with my poor, sick baby!

 

I'm looking forward to next year when I no longer have to worry about sick days.  When I don't have to fret about whether to send him with a 100 degree temp or not because I'm almost out of sick days.  When I don't have to work on typing up lesson plans for a substitute while Carter cries and clings to me, desperately wanting rocked and more attention because he doesn't feel well.  When I won't have to go to work and leave him at home with someone else.  While Ty and my mom are both amazing caregivers and I know Carter is just as well off with them home as he is with me, there is something about leaving your sick baby that is just heart wrenching.  Knowing my baby is sick and not being the one to soothe him and rock him to sleep leaves me feeling sad all day long.  Being home with a sick baby is definitely sad, no one wants their baby to be sick.  But being away from your baby when he/she is sick is so much worse!  Only 6 and a half weeks left, but who's counting?

Bottle Soap: 1, Our Family: 0

Napping with Uncle Jeremy

This weekend we had a great time visiting my family.  Sunday always comes too quickly and I never want to pack up and leave.  I got a migraine early in the morning which made me even less motivated to pack up and leave.  We wanted to leave around 5 to make sure we made it home in time for Carter’s bedtime routine.  Five o’clock came and went.  Around 5:30 I finally got motivated to pack up, but did so in a migraine induced daze.  We left at 6, putting our arrival time later than we’d hoped.

Hangin out with Uncle Tommy

We were just pulling off the highway a few minutes from home when my mom texted me to let me know we forgot Carter’s bottle soap at their house.   Of course I had forgotten something!  

When it comes to Carter I feel like I’m fairly laid back, although I may be using that wording loosely.  I don’t freak out when I pick him up from daycare with scratches on his head, from his own fingernails, but still could be upsetting.  I wash his clothes in regular detergent because it hasn’t bothered his skin.  I don’t worry when a toddler pats his head with a little bit too much force.  I at least try to be calm.  What goes into his mouth, now that’s another story!  I’m very particular.  I will not wash his bottles with regular dish soap.  I am very attached to BabyGanics Dish and Bottle Soap.  I will not use anything else.

So we pull back onto the highway and head to Target where I’ve bought the soap in the past.  Not only do they not have it, they no longer carry it.  At this point it’s nearing 9:00 and I still have a migraine thumping around just below the surface of my forehead which makes me more emotional. 

Ty, the calm person he always is, drops us off at home and heads off to Baby’s R Us which according to their website is open until 9:30.  I get a text back that Baby’s R Us and Buy Buy Baby are both closed.  He heads to Super Target because the worker at Target who helped him look for the soap when he couldn’t find it suggested he try a Super Target.  Still no soap!  

I receive the following text: Might just find a car with a baby on board sticker on the car in the driveway and break into their house.  They might have some…  

Which reminds me of one more reason why I love my husband.  He finds the humor in situations in which I do not and is able to use that to help me calm down.

Finally he heads to Wal-Mart which still doesn’t have our regular soap but at least has a special soap for babies.  Thank goodness for that!

Moral of the Story:  Stock up on baby dish soap and never put a baby on board sticker on your car, it may result in a robbery!

My Mommy Mess-Up

Everyone messes up.  I make a mistake or mess-up with Carter on a weekly if not daily basis.  My most recent mess-up was clipping his nails.  We were getting ready to leave for the day and I noticed his fingernails were really long.  I hate it when he claws himself during the day so I decided to clip his nails.

Mind you I have only clipped Carter’s nails once before.  I accidentally clipped one nail too short, Carter cried, and I decided I wouldn’t clip them again.  I either filed his nails or had Ty clip them.  I knew I didn’t have time to file his nails, so I decided to very carefully clip them.

He was in the jumparoo so I had easy access to his hands.  I grabbed the first hand and started clipping.  When I got to the second hand I was so relieved and thought in my head, thank goodness I haven’t nicked him yet.  I got to his thumb on his right hand, the last finger to clip.  That’s when it happened.  

I clipped the nail and felt very successful, I did it, I’m done!  I looked at Carter’s face and it was bright red and his lips were drawn down into a frown.  He began to wail and that’s when I saw blood bead up and roll along the tip of his finger.  I panicked, did my best to not cry along with him, grabbed him out of the jumparoo and immediately popped his thumb into my mouth and sucked it.  Why?  I have no idea.  I guess I thought it would help with the pain?  Doesn’t make much sense thinking back on it, but I was desperate.

My poor baby's thumb.

What happened next?  My momma worry kicked in.  By the time I got to daycare the next day I was convinced it was infected.  Welcome to the life of a mom, trying to do the right thing, messing up, and then endlessly worrying about it!  It’s been almost a week and it’s healed up just fine.  No infection at all.  Now the guilt I feel for hurting my baby?  Yeah, it’s still stickin around.

He was all smiles moments later, but I was not!