The Big V

As in vasectomy. As most of you know, I've been a flip flopper on the whole having another child decision. I kept going back and forth, wavering between what I felt like was best for our family rationally and what I wanted in my heart. Finally this past summer when I started gearing up to train for the Route 66 Half-Marathon, Ty and I decided that after the half-marathon we would start trying to get pregnant. I was so excited and hated to wait but really wanted to run the half and have a nice gap between Elise and another baby. Then the race came and went and I realized I wasn't ready. I was no longer excited about the thought of adding to our family. Then I came to a shocking realization that it may not just be that I wasn't ready right then, but that I may never be ready. So we decided to wait and see how I felt after a few months. A few months came and went and I was still waffling. The best way to describe it was that I didn't want to have another baby but I also didn't not want to have another baby, if that makes any sense.

We decided Ty would do a little research on vasectomies and we would start discussing it as something we might do in the future. Ty went to his doctor and got referred to a urologist. He went to his consultation and came home with a vasectomy scheduled for March 23rd. I immediately panicked. I wasn't ready to take that step, I just wanted to entertain our options. Ty said he'd cancel if I wanted him to and that he wasn't afraid to call the week of to cancel. It was months away so we decided I'd just let it marinate and see how I felt when the appointment got closer. As time wore on I really started to feel like it was the right decision. I could picture so many wonderful things about adding another child to our family but I could picture just as many wonderful things about only having 2 kids. We went on our trip to Florida and we got excited about the opportunities for traveling and taking the kids to see new places that we would have more of an sooner if we didn't add another child to our family.

I couldn't stop thinking of everything that could possibly go wrong with another pregnancy and how it could affect my precious children. I have been lucky enough to have 2 uncomplicated pregnancies (although they both had a heavy dose of terrible during the first trimester), 2 perfect and uncomplicated natural deliveries, and 2 perfectly healthy and thriving babies. Why take the chance and have something go wrong? We don't feel like anything is missing from our family. We were lucky enough to have a boy and a girl. Everything as it is seems perfect. The older Elise gets, the less interested I am in reliving the baby stages. I absolutely love being pregnant, love feeling my baby kick inside me, love holding my precious newborn on my chest for the first time, love breastfeeding, love rocking babies to sleep, love the first smiles, the first giggles, the first steps. I love it all. I think having a child is the best gift life has to offer, not for everyone, but for me. I really do feel like it is what I was meant to do. There is nothing in this world I love more than being a mother. But maybe I was just meant to be a mother of 2 children, not 3. The more I thought it over the more I felt like things are perfect the way they are. I am so happy, I love our family, I love our life, I love where running is taking me, so why change any of that? Other than a bit of a freak out the weekend before Ty's procedure, I knew following through with the procedure was the right choice for our family. The Sunday before the procedure I was talking to my dad and said, "I wish I felt gung-ho..." and my dad cut in saying, "One way or the other?" And I realized I was going to say that I wished I felt gung-ho about the procedure. That's when I realized that deep down that's what I wanted. I was just afraid of taking the option of more children off the table forever. But once I realized that and made that final decision, it was so freeing.

I took Ty in for the procedure on Thursday afternoon (March 23rd). He was scheduled during naptime so Jeremy was awesome and came over to watch the kids so we didn't have to wake them to take them with us. We were back home about 2 hours later and the kids were all over Ty. It was crazy, I couldn't believe how desperate they were to sit with him! I don't know if it was because he isn't normally home during the day or if it was because he was sitting down all day long, but Elise wanted no one but him. She was very careful about sitting with him and never caused any problems. It was just hilarious. I'd go over and try to pick her up and she'd tell me, "No, daddy!" It was all daddy, daddy, daddy. So Ty could rest we left the house pretty much all day long except for naptime. We'd go on an outing in the morning and then come home for naps. Then when the kids were up, we'd head somewhere else and come home in time for dinner. It was a bit exhausting. We always go somewhere in the morning but typically stay home in the afternoons because it's hard to get out after naps and it feels hectic being out and about all day. So by Monday I was really ready for Ty to be back to work so we could get back to our regular routine! He's feeling much better and is easing back to running right now. Yesterday was his first post-procedure run and he said it went pretty well.

Carter helping Ty out with blankets.

The kids all over Ty when he got home from the procedure, we decided a popsicle would help him feel better.