Funny Stuff the Kids Say

I was showering in the evening after the kids went to bed. Elise asked me to come in and rub her back right after I got out of the shower so I did. She told me, "I like it when your hands aren't cold!" You and me both, sister!

"You wanna play Barbies with us? We have Joe Biden! He wears Jasmine's pants because they are the only pants that fit him. The pants he was wearing before showed his wiener." -Carter

Me: You're gonna have to go get a spoon.
Elise: Can you? I don't want to breathe in that toxic fume!

This was during the portion of the kitchen remodel where all the dust in the kitchen was causing my allergies to make me miserable.

Opa: What do you call a bunch of cats stacked on top of each other?

Elise: School bus!

Opa: Why was that dog so ugly?

Elise: It is a pug. This said like, duh.

Me: Daddy did the dishes while I was running?!? Wow, he is straight killing it. I don't know how he's doing so much. He's amazing!

Elise: Yeah, but you're doing hard work. All of your running and teaching at your school. All of that and being a good mom. You work so hard and do so good at it.

This wasn't funny but I had to document it because it was just so precious and about made me cry.

Me to student: I'm so glad you're here today! We missed you. He was absent the day before.

Student: Thank you for being my teacher!

"What will it take to ever make your hands warm?" -Elise to me

"I accidentally ate a jalapeno because I thought it was a special pickle." -Carter

The kids got in a little tiff before school one day. Elise told Carter she was going to cut or kill Big Al so Carter told her he wouldn't walk her to class. I found out they were mad at each other because Elise was hysterically crying over not being walked to class.