Wednesday, April 9, 2014
Tuesday, April 8, 2014
Grammy to the Rescue!
Sunday afternoon Carter took a 3 hour nap which made me nervous he was getting sick because he never sleeps that long. Then Sunday night he struggled all night waking up at 11, 11:45, 12, 3:30, and then eventually for the day at 6:15. As I pulled my tired hiney out of bed Monday morning I debated whether I should keep him home or not. I took his temperature 5 times with each reading right around 98.5 degrees. So off we went, me half wishing he'd had a temp so I could have stayed home from work. Let's be honest, I was full on wishing that!
Almost half-way through my day, at 11:00, I got the dreaded call from daycare. It was Carter's teacher informing me he had a temperature of 102.9 degrees. I tried not to panic, but he'd never had a temperature of 101 or above, so I was worried. I was also concerned his temperature had spiked that much in just a few short hours. I rushed around creating sub plans and setting out materials and texted Ty to call for an appointment. When I arrived to pick Carter up he was still wearing his socks and shoes which I thought was ridiculous and immediately pulled them off. By the time we got home the highest reading I got using our temporal thermometer was 100.3. I felt much better knowing his temperature wasn't as high as they reported but I was also frustrated. We've had so many times where I've gotten a phone call that Carter's temperature was above 100.4 and I had to pick him up only to find he didn't have a temperature at all or it was a low-grade 99 degree temperature when we got home. I'm about at the height of frustration on this issue, but that's a whole post all on it's own.
Carter and I arrived for our appointment at the doctor's office. He was very obviously not feeling well and spent our entire wait with his head rested on my chest barely moving his eyes. They took us back and the nurse took his temperature, looked at the thermometer, and quizzically asked me what I had gotten as his temperature. She took his temperature multiple times, each time with a reading of high-99's to low-100's. The doctor came in, spent a very long time listening to Carter's chest, checked his ears, checked his throat, and diagnosed him with a bad cold or upper respiratory infection. He suggested giving Carter Ibuprofen for the temperature and we were on our way.
Daycare policy states children must remain fever free for 24 hours before returning to daycare so I knew Carter would need to stay home the following day. My sick days are quickly dwindling and Ty may have a few hours at most. My mom very graciously offered to come watch Carter for us and after my overly emotional and utterly exhausted self burst into tears at the thought of not being home with Carter when he was sick and the frustration that I had to work, I accepted. She headed down last night and was here all day with him.
I had already arranged for coverage for the start of the school day so I could take Carter to his follow-up appointment with the ENT to check on his ear tubes. Mom went with me so I could leave straight from the appointment to go to work and save some time. Lately when we are ready to leave in the morning, I've been telling Carter it's time to go bye bye. He'll head over to the front door and reach for the doorknob, trying to turn it. I figured I'd show mom what he does so before we left I told Carter it was time to go bye bye. He was sitting in a chair, looked at me, then looked over at his grammy, and just sat there. I guess he figured since grammy was here, he was just gonna hang out at home. Such a cutie! What Carter normally does:
When we did talk him into leaving we headed to the ENT. They again started with the hearing test which my mom found as comical as I did. She may need to have her own hearing tested. She said she thought Carter was turning his head in anticipation of the toy moving and then realized he heard a sound that she was unable to hear. He did wonderfully on his hearing test and he now had mobility of his ear drum. The doctor checked out his ears and said everything looks great. I double-checked to make sure we didn't need to protect his ears any more than we already would have. He verified that was correct and told us Carter would have to be in 5-6 feet of water for the pressure to disturb the tubes. He joked you can tell the age of an ENT by whether they recommend using ear plugs. I thought that was funny.
From there I headed to work and mom headed home with Carter. Fortunately he was feeling almost back to normal today and had a blast with his grammy. One of the major perks of Carter being home with his grammy is that she sends me pictures and updates throughout the day. I love knowing what he's up to and seeing his handsome face! I have his daycare schedule, but that's just not the same as knowing exactly what he's doing at an exact moment in time. I sure am thankful for such an amazing mom and I know Carter is also thankful for his amazing grammy!
All the pictures from grammy:
Almost half-way through my day, at 11:00, I got the dreaded call from daycare. It was Carter's teacher informing me he had a temperature of 102.9 degrees. I tried not to panic, but he'd never had a temperature of 101 or above, so I was worried. I was also concerned his temperature had spiked that much in just a few short hours. I rushed around creating sub plans and setting out materials and texted Ty to call for an appointment. When I arrived to pick Carter up he was still wearing his socks and shoes which I thought was ridiculous and immediately pulled them off. By the time we got home the highest reading I got using our temporal thermometer was 100.3. I felt much better knowing his temperature wasn't as high as they reported but I was also frustrated. We've had so many times where I've gotten a phone call that Carter's temperature was above 100.4 and I had to pick him up only to find he didn't have a temperature at all or it was a low-grade 99 degree temperature when we got home. I'm about at the height of frustration on this issue, but that's a whole post all on it's own.
Carter and I arrived for our appointment at the doctor's office. He was very obviously not feeling well and spent our entire wait with his head rested on my chest barely moving his eyes. They took us back and the nurse took his temperature, looked at the thermometer, and quizzically asked me what I had gotten as his temperature. She took his temperature multiple times, each time with a reading of high-99's to low-100's. The doctor came in, spent a very long time listening to Carter's chest, checked his ears, checked his throat, and diagnosed him with a bad cold or upper respiratory infection. He suggested giving Carter Ibuprofen for the temperature and we were on our way.
Daycare policy states children must remain fever free for 24 hours before returning to daycare so I knew Carter would need to stay home the following day. My sick days are quickly dwindling and Ty may have a few hours at most. My mom very graciously offered to come watch Carter for us and after my overly emotional and utterly exhausted self burst into tears at the thought of not being home with Carter when he was sick and the frustration that I had to work, I accepted. She headed down last night and was here all day with him.
I had already arranged for coverage for the start of the school day so I could take Carter to his follow-up appointment with the ENT to check on his ear tubes. Mom went with me so I could leave straight from the appointment to go to work and save some time. Lately when we are ready to leave in the morning, I've been telling Carter it's time to go bye bye. He'll head over to the front door and reach for the doorknob, trying to turn it. I figured I'd show mom what he does so before we left I told Carter it was time to go bye bye. He was sitting in a chair, looked at me, then looked over at his grammy, and just sat there. I guess he figured since grammy was here, he was just gonna hang out at home. Such a cutie! What Carter normally does:
When we did talk him into leaving we headed to the ENT. They again started with the hearing test which my mom found as comical as I did. She may need to have her own hearing tested. She said she thought Carter was turning his head in anticipation of the toy moving and then realized he heard a sound that she was unable to hear. He did wonderfully on his hearing test and he now had mobility of his ear drum. The doctor checked out his ears and said everything looks great. I double-checked to make sure we didn't need to protect his ears any more than we already would have. He verified that was correct and told us Carter would have to be in 5-6 feet of water for the pressure to disturb the tubes. He joked you can tell the age of an ENT by whether they recommend using ear plugs. I thought that was funny.
All the pictures from grammy:
Sunday, April 6, 2014
Baby Crazy
Thursday morning at 9:45 am Ty's cousin, Megan, welcomed her son into the world. Then Saturday morning at 1:38 am Ty's good college friends welcomed their son. It's been all baby, baby, baby around here. Needless to say I'm way more baby crazy than I already was! All I could think about Saturday other than how cute Carter is, was holding the precious newborn babies. I kept getting on facebook hoping new pictures would be posted. It's like Carter sensed I was all baby crazy and desperate to hold a newborn baby. Before his afternoon nap I was holding him while we rocked and he fussed and twisted around until he was in the baby position. He fell asleep with me cradling him like a baby. No way was I letting that moment go, so I held him for a good 30 minutes before putting him down in his crib to finish out his nap. Carter reminds me time and time again that he's all I need. Now counting down the days until I can get my hands (or even just a fingertip) on one of the newborns!
Saturday, April 5, 2014
Working to Move On
My life is wonderful. I have amazing family including my in-laws. We're in single digit weeks left until I get to stay home with Carter full time. I'm happy. At times I even feel like I've gotten over the sadness of having a miscarriage. And then all the sudden it hits me full force when I'm not expecting it. Earlier this week I was picking Carter up from daycare which is typically one of my favorite moments of the day. As we were walking out of his classroom I saw one of the little boys in his class, who is about to move up to the 2 year old room, walk by with his dad. Then his mom turned the corner with an infant in her arms. I knew she had been pregnant. I saw her on Valentine's Day when I was dropping Carter off and she was very obviously pregnant. But seeing siblings at about the age difference Carter would have been with the baby we lost got me. I felt a lump rise in my throat and I squeezed Carter even tighter to my chest. After strapping him into his car seat and driving off the tears began to flow. I kept thinking, that would have been us. We would have been walking along with a nearly 2 year old and an infant held close to our chests. My heart wanted that. My heart ached for that. I try not to focus on what could have been, but there it was, staring me in the face.
As hard as I've worked to convince myself that the timing of our pregnancy just wasn't right and that I wasn't ready for another baby, it's just not true. I tend to put on a cheery face and pretend everything is fine, not just for others but to help me heal. When I smile I feel better. When I pretend I'm okay, slowly that becomes my reality. Allowing sadness to wash over me tends to drown me in grief. I pretended to be happy at work for months before admitting to myself, Ty, and all of you that I was actually miserable. I in no way plan to dwell on our miscarriage and write post after post about it, but I feel like it is time to get real. To allow myself to feel the hurt and pain. It's all a part of the healing process after all, at least that's what they say.
So here I am confessing that I do feel pain and disappointment over it. My heart does ache from time to time. As much as I want to believe I didn't want that baby, I did. The moment I saw that eight letter word displayed across the screen of the pregnancy test I fell in love. I fell in love with a baby that hadn't even formed yet. I wanted that baby. My heart leapt in excitement for that baby and ached to meet that baby. I pictured Carter meeting his new little sibling. I had a dream where the baby was born (it was a boy) and somehow I was in the other room and missed him being delivered. Maybe that dream was my subconscious giving me a hint, who knows.
Almost immediately I pulled up the same Baby Center Due Date Calculator I had used with Carter and was given an estimated due date of October 29th. Later on I scrolled down the page and we realized I would be 16 weeks pregnant the week of Ty's birthday. We were so excited thinking we could have a gender reveal party the weekend of Ty's birthday which would be perfect because Carter's gender reveal party was the weekend of my birthday. After talking it over with my principal and then with Ty I had decided instead of resigning to take a year leave of absence. That way if we realized after a year we just couldn't quite make ends meet without my income, I could go back to work and not lose out on any years and be guaranteed a job. When we found out we were pregnant the timing seemed perfect. If it didn't work out for me to stay home I wouldn't go back to work until the baby was almost 10 months old and I'd only have to pump for 3 months.
I love the MyPregnancy app and read it religiously with Carter. So of course I downloaded it again. The bad thing about the app is they have computer generated pictures that show what your baby should look like and how they are developing. The weekend before the miscarriage the baby would have just grown hands and feet. I looked at the picture and fell even more in love with the baby I thought was growing in my belly, but had actually stopped developing about a week and a half before. That was when I finally let go of the fear (with Carter and again this time around I was a nervous wreck worrying about having a miscarriage) and allowed myself to be fully happy and excited that we were expecting. Did that make it harder to get the news at the hospital a few days later? I really don't think so. It would have been devastating news either way.
Life is hard. Sad things happen. We have to learn to let go and move on. Sharing my feelings is one way I choose to do that. To get it out, to set it free. It's almost as though sharing how I feel forces me to own it, to accept it, and to acknowledge it's okay. When I put how I feel out there I am prepared to deal with any comments devaluing how I feel and to stand up for myself. For some reason being ready to take criticism makes me fully embrace my feelings. I accept the fact that as much as I want to convince myself otherwise I'm not just sad I'm not pregnant, I'm sad I'm not pregnant with that baby. And it's okay. It's okay to be sad, it's okay to grieve. Accepting that has helped me to let go a little bit more.
Of course I have to look at the positive of this experience. I spent 7 weeks worrying and stressing that I was going to have a miscarriage and lose our baby and I still had a miscarriage. It's one of those things you have no control over (most of the time). Worrying about it did not change the outcome. Worrying about it and understanding it was a possibility (a 20% chance possibility, I did WAY too much research) didn't make it any less painful. Why worry and be scared of something I have no control over? Why didn't I spend those 7 weeks excited and happy? Either way would have ended in the same result and the same pain. So next time around, if we're so lucky, I choose to be happy. I choose not be consumed with fear and worry. I choose to be elated and ecstatic because no matter what happens later on, in that moment there is a baby growing inside me! And thankfully right now I'm surrounded by friends, family, and fellow bloggers who are having babies which allows me to see sweet newborn faces (and hopefully hold sweet newborns in the near future) which makes it all just a little bit easier!
As hard as I've worked to convince myself that the timing of our pregnancy just wasn't right and that I wasn't ready for another baby, it's just not true. I tend to put on a cheery face and pretend everything is fine, not just for others but to help me heal. When I smile I feel better. When I pretend I'm okay, slowly that becomes my reality. Allowing sadness to wash over me tends to drown me in grief. I pretended to be happy at work for months before admitting to myself, Ty, and all of you that I was actually miserable. I in no way plan to dwell on our miscarriage and write post after post about it, but I feel like it is time to get real. To allow myself to feel the hurt and pain. It's all a part of the healing process after all, at least that's what they say.
So here I am confessing that I do feel pain and disappointment over it. My heart does ache from time to time. As much as I want to believe I didn't want that baby, I did. The moment I saw that eight letter word displayed across the screen of the pregnancy test I fell in love. I fell in love with a baby that hadn't even formed yet. I wanted that baby. My heart leapt in excitement for that baby and ached to meet that baby. I pictured Carter meeting his new little sibling. I had a dream where the baby was born (it was a boy) and somehow I was in the other room and missed him being delivered. Maybe that dream was my subconscious giving me a hint, who knows.
Almost immediately I pulled up the same Baby Center Due Date Calculator I had used with Carter and was given an estimated due date of October 29th. Later on I scrolled down the page and we realized I would be 16 weeks pregnant the week of Ty's birthday. We were so excited thinking we could have a gender reveal party the weekend of Ty's birthday which would be perfect because Carter's gender reveal party was the weekend of my birthday. After talking it over with my principal and then with Ty I had decided instead of resigning to take a year leave of absence. That way if we realized after a year we just couldn't quite make ends meet without my income, I could go back to work and not lose out on any years and be guaranteed a job. When we found out we were pregnant the timing seemed perfect. If it didn't work out for me to stay home I wouldn't go back to work until the baby was almost 10 months old and I'd only have to pump for 3 months.
I love the MyPregnancy app and read it religiously with Carter. So of course I downloaded it again. The bad thing about the app is they have computer generated pictures that show what your baby should look like and how they are developing. The weekend before the miscarriage the baby would have just grown hands and feet. I looked at the picture and fell even more in love with the baby I thought was growing in my belly, but had actually stopped developing about a week and a half before. That was when I finally let go of the fear (with Carter and again this time around I was a nervous wreck worrying about having a miscarriage) and allowed myself to be fully happy and excited that we were expecting. Did that make it harder to get the news at the hospital a few days later? I really don't think so. It would have been devastating news either way.
Life is hard. Sad things happen. We have to learn to let go and move on. Sharing my feelings is one way I choose to do that. To get it out, to set it free. It's almost as though sharing how I feel forces me to own it, to accept it, and to acknowledge it's okay. When I put how I feel out there I am prepared to deal with any comments devaluing how I feel and to stand up for myself. For some reason being ready to take criticism makes me fully embrace my feelings. I accept the fact that as much as I want to convince myself otherwise I'm not just sad I'm not pregnant, I'm sad I'm not pregnant with that baby. And it's okay. It's okay to be sad, it's okay to grieve. Accepting that has helped me to let go a little bit more.
Of course I have to look at the positive of this experience. I spent 7 weeks worrying and stressing that I was going to have a miscarriage and lose our baby and I still had a miscarriage. It's one of those things you have no control over (most of the time). Worrying about it did not change the outcome. Worrying about it and understanding it was a possibility (a 20% chance possibility, I did WAY too much research) didn't make it any less painful. Why worry and be scared of something I have no control over? Why didn't I spend those 7 weeks excited and happy? Either way would have ended in the same result and the same pain. So next time around, if we're so lucky, I choose to be happy. I choose not be consumed with fear and worry. I choose to be elated and ecstatic because no matter what happens later on, in that moment there is a baby growing inside me! And thankfully right now I'm surrounded by friends, family, and fellow bloggers who are having babies which allows me to see sweet newborn faces (and hopefully hold sweet newborns in the near future) which makes it all just a little bit easier!
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| Carter reading with daddy. |
Thursday, April 3, 2014
A Baby Joins the Family!
This morning started at 5:30 am. Carter was up and I wasn't ready to get out of bed so I had him lay in bed with us for half an hour. That way even though I wasn't sleeping, I was still resting. After breakfast Carter was insistent on waking his daddy up. He kept walking over to the closed bedroom door, beating on it, and reaching for the handle (once he gets a few inches taller we are in trouble). It was cute so I took a picture and sent it out to his grandparents. Ty's parents don't keep their phones in their bedroom and I'm not sure what mine do, but they never get woken up by early morning texts. I was surprised to get a text back from Ty's mom since it was so early. She responded that Carter had woken his grandpa up instead because she had her phone by her bed since Megan, Ty's cousin, was at the hospital. I was sooo excited and couldn't believe we hadn't received notification beforehand. Then she said Megan's water had broken at 12:45 am and I realized why she hadn't told us.
I was so excited that I was having a hard time focusing on even really fun stuff like reading a book to Carter. I knew it was going to be difficult to stay focused at work, but with young children it's impossible to be too distracted. I could feel the excitement bubbling up all morning and told everyone I saw that my cousin was in labor. I had my final evaluation with my principal during my plan time and excitedly shared the news. We then spent the first 5 minutes of my evaluation meeting talking about babies and labor. It's always so interesting to hear other people's labor stories. She said the one thing she had asked her husband to do was count, but he was so nervous he couldn't even count and was saying 1, 2, 4, 7... I thought that was hilarious! I didn't know it yet but baby Garrett had been born moments before my meeting!
As I left the meeting I received the text that he had arrived. I couldn't wait to see pictures and the rest of my plan time widdled away without much production. I swear if I didn't have students around I wouldn't have gotten anything done all morning, I don't know how Ty's mom did it! At lunchtime I got a picture of his sweet face and all of his stats. It's been a good day. A day full of excitement and love. We haven't met the little guy yet, but boy is he already loved! I can't wait to smell him for the first time and to sneak a touch against his skin. Welcoming a new baby into the world is amazing even for the cousin-in-law!
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| Wake up, daddy! |
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| Sweet baby, Garrett! Love those little lips! |
As I left the meeting I received the text that he had arrived. I couldn't wait to see pictures and the rest of my plan time widdled away without much production. I swear if I didn't have students around I wouldn't have gotten anything done all morning, I don't know how Ty's mom did it! At lunchtime I got a picture of his sweet face and all of his stats. It's been a good day. A day full of excitement and love. We haven't met the little guy yet, but boy is he already loved! I can't wait to smell him for the first time and to sneak a touch against his skin. Welcoming a new baby into the world is amazing even for the cousin-in-law!
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| Carter is so excited to meet his new cousin! |
Wednesday, April 2, 2014
Tuesday, April 1, 2014
15 Month Appointment
This morning Carter had his 15 month well check appointment. I've had to take off or get coverage for quite a few days due to Carter's ear tube surgery and illnesses so Ty offered to take him. Of course I hated not being there, but I appreciated not having to find coverage again. Plus I'd been scheduled for a meeting before school. To make sure everything was covered I e-mailed Ty a list of questions for the doctor. I left the house at the same time I do every morning and arrived at school 30 minutes earlier than usual. It was really hard for me not to drop Carter off at daycare. I asked Ty to take a picture when he dropped Carter off and text it to me which he very sweetly did. He sent the text out in a group message to me and my parents. Of course I asked Ty a bunch of questions about how the drop off went, if Carter's little friend bum rushed him like usual, if Carter made it in time for snack, if he noticed what was on the menu for lunch (I didn't have an April menu yet), and I'm sure many others. My mom commented back that she got a kick out of all my questions. Ty was able to answer most of them.
I was a bit worried about some bumps on Carter's knees. The doctor said it could be a little bit of eczema or something like it, but it was nothing to worry about. He was pleased with Carter's development and language acquisition. Carter got a couple of shots and of course was measured. Ty said he was not interested in getting measured and screamed and squirmed the whole time. Ty felt like the measurement may not have been accurate due to Carter fighting it, but he was measured at 32.8 inches which put him at the 93rd percentile in height. He weighed in at 22.9 pounds which puts him in the 30th percentile. His head continues to move up in percentile as his circumference was 19.3 inches pushing him up into the 94th percentile, up from the 89th percentile at 12 months. All I can say is I'm sooo glad his head circumference started in the 27th percentile and has steadily moved up at each well check!
A few people have told me part of the reason why I have a hard time with Carter at daycare is because I'm the one who drops him off in the morning. I never really believed it because I love seeing what Carter's favorite daycare toys are. I also love watching him interact with the other kids at daycare. This morning when Ty dropped Carter off it was nice to have a bit more time at work before school started, but I felt sad. I hated not getting that last kiss, watching him play through the other side of the window, and snapping pictures to look at throughout the day. I will take dropping him off in the morning any day!
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| Ready to head to the doctor's office. |
I was a bit worried about some bumps on Carter's knees. The doctor said it could be a little bit of eczema or something like it, but it was nothing to worry about. He was pleased with Carter's development and language acquisition. Carter got a couple of shots and of course was measured. Ty said he was not interested in getting measured and screamed and squirmed the whole time. Ty felt like the measurement may not have been accurate due to Carter fighting it, but he was measured at 32.8 inches which put him at the 93rd percentile in height. He weighed in at 22.9 pounds which puts him in the 30th percentile. His head continues to move up in percentile as his circumference was 19.3 inches pushing him up into the 94th percentile, up from the 89th percentile at 12 months. All I can say is I'm sooo glad his head circumference started in the 27th percentile and has steadily moved up at each well check!
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| Dropped off at daycare. |
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