Funny Stuff the Kids Say

Carter: Why does a Lego guy cost $5?
Me: I don't know because you can buy a whole Lego set with multiple Lego guys for $15 so that seems like a lot just for a Lego guy.
Carter: Yeah, I can get it if you're paying for shipping.

Carter: Thank you for making my breakfast! You are the best at making food.
Me: Thank you, baby.
Carter: Well, you're not the best, Gma is. But you are the 2nd best.

Elise: Can I have that fruit thing I like?
Me: Which one?
Elise: I don't know, the one I like! A fruit peacock?
Me: Oh, fruit cocktail?

Elise: Can I have books in my bed.
Me: You can have one.
Elise: But Carter has multiple!

My toast popped up while I was helping Carter find a book he wanted to read.
Elise: Can I get your toast for you?
Me: Yes, please!
I find the book and go over to find my toast on a plate.
Me: Thank you, Elise!
Elise: The toast was really hot so I dropped it. You might want to blow it off.

"If you were ugly I would still love you because I love my moms." -Elise, upon further questioning I found out she considers Gma, Oma, and me as her moms but I'm her "most mom".

"Remember I wrote those books and put them in your bed for you to read. There might be naughty words in them because I don't know how to read." -Elise

"My spoon is sharp. It has blades on both sides." -Carter, the spoon accidentally ended up in the drain once when we ran the garbage disposal.

Me: Why are you wearing long pants again?
Carter: Because I think I look good in jeans.

"I like your nails, they're so fragile! Wait, what does fragile mean?" -Elise

Instead of saying "far away", Elise says "fast away".

"I want some of that tomato squeeze where it's all chopped up." -Elise
She wanted ketchup.

Elise: What's cantankerous mean?
Carter: I don't want to tell you, ask mommy.
I explain what cantankerous means.
Carter: No, she meant contagious.

Carter had this weird thing going on where he said it felt like something was crawling along under his skin. We figured it was likely some kind of nerve thing. Elise didn't want to lay by him because she was worried whatever he had would crawl out of him and into her. Then the next day it came back and Elise came running in and told me, "Carter's blood sucker is back."

"Elise, I was trying to get my hand out and I would've gotten it faster if you hadn't scratched me." -Carter

Carter: You know before the coronavitis was here, I hated school. Now that the coronavitis is here and I can't go to school and I can't go anywhere, I hate it. I'm like, 'why did I ever wish to not have school.' I feel like I'm missing out on everything."

"That's the thing I like to do every day by myself. If it's sunny I go sunbathe on the trampoline." -Carter

Elise was running around singing, all excited that she downloaded a new game on her tablet. Carter turned to me and said, "Yeah, she downloaded a new game. I looked at it and it has zero stars."

Carter: I don't like Elise yelling. It hurts my ears.
Me: Elise, honey, why were you yelling? Are you okay?
Elise: I don't like boobs. That's why I was yelling.

Elise turned on her tablet and yelled out, "Yes, I have all percent!"

Carter: I think this fortune is for an adult, not a kid. It says, "your coworkers take pleasure in your great sense of creativity."

"Carter are you bored? I'm not bored because I have, oh no!!!!!" -Elise, we were in the car and she dropped the bag of coloring books and markers she was teasing Carter with and couldn't reach them.

Carter: Can you lay with me?
Me: No
Carter: But you laid with Elise.
Me: Yes and I laid so long I got really tired and need to be up for a bit.
Carter: Oh yeah, that happens to Oma a lot because she's so old.

Carter: Can you open it? I don't feel like touching paper right now. There's certain times of day when I can't touch paper. If it's a bad day it's the whole day. Is there anything you were sensitive of as a kid?
Me: I don't think so.
Carter: I have a paper sensitivity.

There was a page in a book where a dinosaur farted and it said, "Yuck, that smells horrible!" Carter said, "It doesn't smell terrible, he only eats plants!"

Me: Where were you?
Elise: Oh, I was in Carter's room because there's hamster watching.

"Can I take my mask off? When people walk by me I just do this and hold my breath so I don't breathe." -Elise

Elise: Can I have some marshmallow squares?
Ty: I don't know what those are, but yes.
They were Starbursts.