Please Mom, More Food!

Carter has been waking up a lot at night.  He goes down around 8 then wakes up at 12, 2, 4, and 6.  Some nights he also wakes up at 5.  I haven't minded too much because I love the snuggles and he usually eats and goes back down in 20 minutes or less.  I also wasn't worried because I thought it had just been a couple weeks, but I looked back at notes and realized it's been almost a month.  Then I was looking back over his monthly letters and realized he's waking up more than he was when he was only 2 months old.  Okay, time to do something.

It's time to do more of this!

I thought about it and wondered if we should be feeding him more solids.  Every time he wakes up during the night he eats and he eats quite a bit during the day.  One indicator that a baby is ready for solids is that they wake up more to eat and eat more during the day.  It just breaks my heart to think of slowly weaning him from breast feeding and I feel like adding more solids is the first step.

When I look down at him in the position we use for nursing most often I know he won’t fit this way much longer.  He’s just getting too big.  He can reach the side of the chair with his foot and will kick off it, knocking his latch loose, and generally just pissing himself off.

This is how big he is compared to the chair!

I don’t want to be one of those moms who won’t let their child grow up, but man is it hard.  I’m still holding onto the little bits of baby I have left.  His six month birthday is coming up and I find myself wondering where the time has gone.  How is he almost half a year old?  It just seems unreal.

  
I guess that's why I've been dragging my feet about giving him more solids.  I'm just not ready to let go of him being a baby.  And let's be honest, we've all seen those chunky thighs, how is he still hungry?!!?  Today I finally bucked up and decided to try feeding him solids twice.  So we bought some rice cereal to feed him after he had his fruit.

My new obsession is documenting his chunky thighs before he thins out and loses them!

I followed the directions for the rice cereal and was surprised by how soupy it was.  I was trying to spoon feed it to Carter and even he realized it was absurd.  It was running down his chin, onto his clothes, and he wasn't getting much in his mouth.  He was getting upset and began to fuss.  I put it in a bottle even though I'd read you shouldn't do that because babies don't understand they are eating a solid.  I decided that was all a bunch of hogwash anyway.  I mean, come on, this mixture is clearly not a solid if you can't eat it with a spoon.

I can't remember the last time I gave Carter a bottle.  I've only done it once or twice around company and out in public before I was comfortable breast feeding with a cover-up on.  It has definitely been a long time!  It was nice because he had a better view of my face and I could look into his eyes.  He was staring at me the entire time. 

This face melts my heart every time!

While looking down into Carter's eyes I saw my reflection in his beautiful blues.  He was so content watching me.  I began to feel better about him eating more solids and becoming less of a baby.  I knew that as Carter gets older he may no longer need me as his source of nourishment, but he will always know me as someone who will love and take care of him.  He may not always fit in my arms like he does now, but he will know my embrace as a source of comfort and safety.

Carter may not always be a baby, but I will always be his mom.  All I can do is my very best job.  That means letting go of my wants and needs and embracing his.  It's not about me being ready for him to eat solids, it's about him being ready.

Every part of me wants to be the best mom I can possibly be and that's what makes these moments easier.  Instead of feeling sad about him growing up (even in this small little way) I feel joy that he is growing up as a healthy and curious baby.  Putting on my big girl pants tonight, setting my needs aside, and hoping beyond hope that little man sleeps better!